Date Rape, Orgasms, and Sexology – Online

Kamini Kandica Abdool
I read an article published from Wired Magazine the other day that discussed orgasm and the difference between that of men and women. While the male orgasm is, in evolutionary and practical terms, a fairly straightforward thing — it makes men want to have sex more often, thus continuing their lineage, and is achieved with ease — the female orgasm is a far trickier beast. “Unlike male orgasm, which is found across the primate spectrum, female orgasm has skipped some species. (Lady gibbons, for example, are out of luck.) In humans, men are far more likely to experience orgasm than women, of whom one in 10 don’t ever experience it.” (Wired) At the same time, I was preparing to write this article. I was turned off because believe it or not, a exciting as an orgasm is, it is… hmmm, I digress, let’s just say it turned me off for now. Male orgasm are important to me, in a girl liking boy sort of way, but not in this capacity.
With the rules of sex and sexology…. and my knowledge of the Karma Sutra, I still haven’t come across a society that approves of rape. I research and research and lately, I keep finding data and websites that offer fantasies about dating and rape, and newly introduced, rape sex. We know what dating and orgasms have to do with each other. But where do orgasms fit in with date rape? Now that dating has moved online, what are the consequences? How are the new technologies helping to form a society that’s accepting. Online the discussion of rape sex has come up several times. Is that an allowable form of sexuality these days? How did rape become a popular type of sex that is appropriate in some circles? Is accepting the invitation and then saying “No” still giving permission or are going to follow the rules and state that “NO” means “No”.

Update….

I got search today and it said “raped after online date encounter”.  I am worried because I don’t feel that this article provided enough detail.  It discusses the opportunities that predators have and the ways that the FBI and other law enforcement individuals take action however, it doesn’t discuss ways for a victim to move on.  I was raped when I was younger and I might have mentioned in the latter part of this article but not by an online predator.  I dealt with it by being quiet.  I was quiet for a long time after I reported it.  That person stalks me now and it brings back fearful memories but I still stay quiet.  I report every incident, it’s the only way I know how to move on. For the person that searched, there is a link on the FBI web page that allows you to report every online incident.  http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx
“The idea that people can enjoy being raped and/or will fall in love with their rapists as a consequence of the rape. More often than not, the rapist turns out to have acted out of pure love, or winds up loving his/her victim emotionally too.” I think a huh? Is missing there somewhere. It is true that people in multiple population have married there rapists. As a matter of fact, a documentary that recently premiered in New York in 2010, discusses the hardships that some women in Africa face by being rapes and the situations that lead up to them marrying their rapists. (Kristof; WuDunn, 2010) Submissive sex and rape don’t go hand in hand and the difference to me is still the word, “no”. Again, “No” means “No”. If someone says “No”, the more aggressive partner should stop immediately and then can begin again if the submissive one agrees. There are too many rules there, I know and maybe I won;t be the ideal S&M partner …. for sure…. but it reminds me to be careful. I love my boyfriend becasue I’m a victim myself and at times I’m afraid. He’s open-minded enough to let my best friend witness our foreplay when I’m uncomfortable, it makes me feel better and is a really sexy compromise for him….. WOW (I’m beating the fantasy video game, for sure….. get WOW is the fantasy video game that encourages sexiness at times? ) HMMM…. clever, clever. he went to Dragon Con and I was really mad….. Anyway , that’s another article. Maybe.
Back to the main subject and the reason why I up and writing. The idea that one young person is not aware of the hazards of the internet and opportunity that exists for predators appalls me and I feel like this article is required of me. Date rape itself is a big problem and one that many women, even as young as teenagers face and now the opportunity exist for misconception and the reliability of rape itself with the position that some take when reviewing the events. These days, it has taken on new consequences and is more dangerous since chat and chat rooms have been introduced online. The fear that young adults and children are at risk more than exists, there is actually factual evidence that this is a consequence. The scenario with online engagement can follow various patterns and normally starts in the sex and fantasy rooms online. Many young adults visit trying to be anonymous but occasionally, give their identity to those that they might like to explore with. Many predators, pedophiles, and rapists lurk in these environments hoping to catch the attention of young males and females and being chosen for further exploring. Once in person contact is made, at times disappointment arises and the predator or rapist, if they are might become offended and hostile. At times, the situation can precipitate rape and other criminal acts that might leave the victims, brutally bruised or killed.
The situation of rape as love ending in nuptials is too common and is the experience of many women in Africa and here as well. “According to many sexologists, this is a common submissive fantasy for both women and men, although it certainly does NOT mean that s/he wants to get raped for real. After all, people who play paintball don’t really want to shoot and kill each other. The “rape” remains a fantasy or a game. ” Where are we now? I’m about to bring up Brandon Keith’s article…. part of me wants not to because it seems to take all the sexiness out of his article which to me seemed like such a joke and orgasms these days, are no laughing matter, especially when rape is the exciter. Get it? Some men/women get pleasure from raping other and these days they call it submissive sex.
“Also perplexing is that many women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, not penetrative action. If female orgasms were meant to encourage sex, the opposite ought to be true.”My question here is, “are people misunderstanding and thinking it’s not rape if both the rapist and the victim have an orgasm? Some do, maybe but, the fact is, it’s still rape. Should the female take responsibility of achieving? What really? I’m not sure…. I don’t want to assume. I feel bad and don’t want to analyze Brandon Keith’s analysis and take his views out of context.
In context and in our favors, the worried, the afraid, the ones that want to rush out and help… that is, are FBI agents that disguise themselves online to capture predators that lurk and wait for potential victims. FBI agents are aware and at times are within rage but cannot apprehend all offenders because the can only curb the situation that they investigate in hopes that it reaches the potential to apprehend not just one but the entire organization of offenders. Is that enough? How can we protect the young adults that fall prey? What about children that encounter pedophiles in disguise thinking that they can become they’re new best friend?
In related news, the FBI just apprehended a crime ring of web pornographers where online predators worked to lure children into a chat web. What is in the favor of parents, young adults, and children everywhere.

http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2011/september/montana_090911/montana_090911

Great job guys, we are proud and happy to know that help is available but what about the other predators. I don’t want to be childish and compare them to a horror story on TV when encountering them face to face is more deadly and dangerous. Come on predators lurking around and invading our privacy as we speak, we are real life people after all….
I am a mentor and I worry just as much as other parents, young adults, and mentors do. The problem is that these predators, not only show up on sex and sexy environments but can even surface in game rooms chat envirinments and might be the next opponent you face while playing the next online game. I think I want to say to the kids and young adults that I know all teh people that worry that there are ways to be safer. One is to alert the police immediately, and another less risky but probably just as exciting as meeting that tall, handsome guy, is to meet him with your best friend, hopefully a guy. Sexy as it may sound, lol … it gives you a witness and helps to reduce the risk to yourself. Then you call the police together if the situation becomes violent.
People care and people are there everywhere but to be there for everyone and not for yourself is really dumb.
Resources:
Web of Predators; FBI Montana; http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2011/september/montana_090911/montana_090911; 9/9/11.
Female Orgasm Remains an Evolutionary Mystery; Brandon Keith; http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/09/female-orgasm/; 9/6/11
Rape is Love; Anonymous; http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RapeIsLove.
“Half the Sky,” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn; Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group (2010)